Post by DarkAngel on Oct 3, 2005 22:58:52 GMT -5
>These are apparently quotes from high school essays.
>
>1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that
> had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
>
> 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and
> breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
>
> 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from
> experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
> without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the
> country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar
> eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
>
> 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli
> and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
>
> 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that
> sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
>
> 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
>
> 7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
>
> 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
> disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
> surcharge at a formerly surcharge free ATM.
>
> 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond
> exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
>
> 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement
> like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
>
> 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole
> scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in
> another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
>
> 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair
> after a sneeze.
>
> 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just
> like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
>
> 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed
> lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight
> trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the
> other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
>
> 15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood
> with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
>
> 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two
> hummingbirds who had also never met.
>
> 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob
> informant and she was the East River.
>
> 18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind
> like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted
> shut.
>
> 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
>
> 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law
> Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
>
> 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind
> you get from not eating for a while.
>
> 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical
> lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from
> stepping on a land mine or something.
>
> 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and
> extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
>
> 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers
> chasing kids around with power tools.
>
> 25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he
> thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
>
> 26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had
> forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
>
> 27. She walked into my office like a centipede with
> 98 missing legs.
>
> 28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you
> accidentally staple it to
> the wall.
>
>1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that
> had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
>
> 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and
> breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
>
> 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from
> experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
> without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the
> country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar
> eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
>
> 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli
> and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
>
> 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that
> sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
>
> 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
>
> 7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
>
> 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
> disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
> surcharge at a formerly surcharge free ATM.
>
> 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond
> exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
>
> 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement
> like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
>
> 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole
> scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in
> another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
>
> 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair
> after a sneeze.
>
> 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just
> like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
>
> 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed
> lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight
> trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the
> other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
>
> 15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood
> with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
>
> 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two
> hummingbirds who had also never met.
>
> 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob
> informant and she was the East River.
>
> 18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind
> like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted
> shut.
>
> 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
>
> 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law
> Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
>
> 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind
> you get from not eating for a while.
>
> 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical
> lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from
> stepping on a land mine or something.
>
> 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and
> extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
>
> 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers
> chasing kids around with power tools.
>
> 25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he
> thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
>
> 26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had
> forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
>
> 27. She walked into my office like a centipede with
> 98 missing legs.
>
> 28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you
> accidentally staple it to
> the wall.