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Post by piñata on Aug 12, 2006 14:15:36 GMT -5
(OOC: Stalin suggested we start a new adventure rather than trying to remember what was going on in the old one.)
((Just to refresh everyone's memory, though... The Conclave was the target of a massive, multi-pronged attack in Adventure #12. Although the enemy fleet was routed in the ocean battle, thanks to the tactical genius of Scythe and newly promoted High Admiral Static Burn, the land battle caused massive damage, and several Conclave territories are still at least partially in enemy hands. Duke Paul Atreides II, last seen in the now-enemy-held territory of Arrakeen, and Jacen Solo, last seen in the now-destroyed territory of Damithor, are still missing, and the Fellowship has lost contact with Ape Killer (stuck on Phyrexia), Akki's Kitten (presumed lost in the siege of Rebel Kittens), Buddha (who neglected to maintain radio contact when he headed north), Stemp (whose forces fled into the haunted Llanowar Forest, and have yet to come back out) and Soulcatcher (who went missing during the battle for Extrinta, although the territory was reclaimed by an aid force from Ragbralbur and is now in Conclave hands). With Aratar's forces still inside the Conclave, every place we used to call home is now fraught with danger. The remaining members of the Fellowship have banded together to find their missing comrades, and to set things right in the Conclave.))
Piñata takes stock of the group in front of him. DA, still flanked by a few of the Serrans who survived the battle for Olwe, looks confident and enthusiastic as always. Scythe, loaded down with various random artifacts, is alone; the rest of the Navy is remaining behind to protect the Conclave's recently resecured eastern border. Stalin, with a small cadre of elite army forces gathered around him, is prepared for anything. Elfie, always cool, collected and analytical, is surveying the others as if looking for weaknesses to correct. LK, recently appointed to the Jedi Council, stands more proudly than usual, looking more like a warrior and less like a contestant on Rock Star than usual. And Bass, having recently gathered an army of other Super Basses to serve under him, generates an even greater aura of power than usual.
Piñata couldn't ask for a better group to go into battle with; the only question he had about them was whether all of them would survive.
(OOC: I know the intro sucks, but I'm hurrying it a bit so that we can get it going.)
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Post by Ape on Aug 12, 2006 14:54:50 GMT -5
*Ape falls out of another portal. He has lost count of how many he has stepped though now. It seems he's been walking for months now, possibly years. He can barely remember how exactly he got here. He remembers defending the Conclave...or was he attacking it? Surely he wouldn't attack his friends. He now sits atop a hill overlooking a small collection of buildings. ApeKiller picks up his scythe and walks down to the city, not knowing what to expect. On arrival he is greated by a green man. Well technically its the green man's stick that is doing the greeting, and its not him thats being greeted at all, but rather his rib. Actually its not really a greeting, its more like an orc telling him to go away. Yes, thats it.*
Orc: I'm the ghost of Christmas past Ape: I thought you were an orc Orc: Oh, right...i'm the orc of Christmas past Ape: But its summer Orc: Oh, right...i'm the orc of...summertime? Ape: So you have the time? What time is it, i've been lost for ages. Orc: I've had enough of you, what do you want from me? Ape: ...the time?
*The orc, utterly confused, runs off screaming*
Ape: These people are very strange...
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Post by piñata on Aug 14, 2006 18:05:15 GMT -5
(LOL. Ape Killer in Wonderland? ) After a brief discussion, the main group of the Fellowship decides to cut south, then head west. This route will take them through the enemy encampments at Arrakeen and Damithor, then on into the territories of The Pantless Cult, Nuncio and Rebel Kittens. Elfie, as the most competent member of the group at ranged combat, takes point, while the hulking assassin droid Bush, looking lost due to his separation from Ape, assumes rear-guard duty. Piñata, Stalin, Bass and Scythe walk out to the sides of the formation, where they can defend against flanking maneuvers. (OOC: I haven't come up with any dialogue yet. Others should feel free to jump in.)
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Post by Ape on Aug 14, 2006 19:24:06 GMT -5
(If your talking about Alice in Wonderland, i have no idea, as i've never actually seen the movie. I was just being random and silly. Also i planned on using Bush but never got to it before so i hope you weren't planning on using him for anything.)
*Ape wanders into the city, looking for someone who isn't a COMPLETE idiot. He tried talking to several orcs but none of which seem to know whats going on. After Ape gets approximately 2 blocks into the city he is ambushed by a mob of the green people. Before he has a chance to ready his scythe he is tackled to the ground. Several weapons are pointed at his face ranging from sharpened sticks to scimitars.*
~back at The Clave~
Bush: Ape's in trouble
*Bush's back opens up a set of rockets emerge. A burst of bright red flames erupt as he takes off into the sky*
Pinata: I didn't know he could do that.
~back to wherever the hell Ape is~
*Ape is chained to a pole in the middle of the street. A giant group of the violent orcs screech and grunt as ape struggles to free himself. Before the orcs can react Bush lands in the center of the croud in front of Ape. The orcs look on in amazement for several seconds before falling to their knees and bowing. Bush turns and, in a very robotic-cliche sort of way, shoots lasers from his eyes to melt the chains from Apes wrists*
Ape: Thanks...how did you find me? Bush: You realize the Clave is just over that hill right? Ape: wha... Bush: Well, actually there is a giant plain that stretches for miles. I don't beleive we've ever explored this area before. Ape: Well... why are they bowing Bush: I'm not sure, they are a very primitive bunch, and very violent it seems. Whatever the case, we may be able to use these guys to our advantage. Ape: True, but i just don't get it Bush, it just doesn't make any sense that all these idiots would just...bow to you...Hmmm
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Post by piñata on Aug 15, 2006 8:30:47 GMT -5
(Ape, what you did with Bush was fine. I just figured I'd involve him if you weren't going to, but your plans for him take priority.) Piñata looks around for a suitable replacement for Bush in the formation. LK: Don't worry, I'll take over for him. LK moves into the rear guard position. Piñata nods and continues on. Elfie: Stop. Enemies ahead. Piñata: When did you become so... monosyllabic? Elfie: Bite me. Piñata: See what I mean? The group moves forward slowly and cautiously, hoping that Elfie's Force Illusion holds. An enemy captain approaches them. Piñata (under his breath): Oh, great. A Chiss. Captain: Where are you going with these... things? Elfie: We're escorting them to one of the prison camps, sir. They need to be processed still. We can take care of that here if you want, though. Captain: I have more important things to do than paperwork. Move along. The group proceeds past the first group of enemies without a fight.
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Post by piñata on Sept 15, 2006 12:01:31 GMT -5
(I'm not going to let this thread die after 4 posts. That's just Forking pathetic. *double posts*) Scythe: So, since when are the Chiss with Aratar? Piñata: They're not. Some of them have joined him, because they're easily swayed by the promise of wealth and power, but I seriously doubt those individuals have the blessing of the Nine Ruling Families. Scythe: Oh. So it's like you surrounding yourself with green creatures -- Aratar's just attracting power-hungry douchebags like that... thing back there instead. Piñata: Way to go. You were dead-on with that impersonation. Except for the tone of voice. You need to sound more superior and condescending. LK: So, when do we get to kill something? Piñata: Funny. It's usually me who asks that. Elfie: I think we might have to do some fighting now. Some men on horseback are approaching. Stalin: Your Elvish eyes are failing you. They're bearing the standard of Nuncio. Piñata (coming out from behind cover): Devo! Wait up! Devo (riding over and dismounting): What are you guys doing out here? The place is crawling with enemies. Piñata: You know me. I'll break into a maximum-security prison for a friend. Devo: Do they know about that? Piñata: I thought they'd be too surprised you were in Azkaban, so I didn't tell them. Don't want to risk someone having a heart attack, you know. Devo: Well, maybe we can tell them about it around a nice, big campfire now. Elfie: Won't a fire draw attention to us? Devo: Not if we hide it with magic. The group, now including Devo and his men, retires to the Cavalry of Nuncio's camp, behind Conclave lines. The army cook serving Devo's unit gives the Fellowship unused bagels, safety-checked marshmallows and grapes, and assorted other non-violent Conclave foods. Elfie: So, what were you in jail for, Devo? Devo: Excessive force. I was an Auror -- a person who hunts dark wizards -- serving the law-enforcement department of the government at that time, the Ministry of Magic. They seemed to believe that even the most dangerous warlocks should be taken alive, preferably without a scratch on them, so when I decapitated a Death Eater during a routine raid that went horribly wrong, they decided to string me up by my balls. They threw me in Azkaban, but they didn't know how powerful -- or determined -- Pinata was. He was only 17 at the time -- still a student at Hogwarts. He enlisted the help of a few of his friends from school, as well as my aunt -- a vampire -- to break me out, and to carry out the executions the Ministry didn't have the stomach for. By the time we left, Azkaban was empty except for a couple of the guards whose lives had been spared, and one Death Eater bitten by my aunt who became a vampire himself rather than dying gracefully. Elfie: That's a good story, but it has some loose ends. What happened to Pinata and the other students? Piñata: Oh, of course the ones that were caught were disciplined. But most of us were smarter than the Aurors, and it helped that a lot of the Aurors were frustrated with the... for lack of a better way to put it, wimpiness... of the Ministry, and sympathized with our cause enough that some of them even joined us. Elfie: What about Devo's aunt? The vampire? Piñata: A Death Eater named Orville Brand drove a stake through her heart about a year later. (looking to Devo) I don't think they ever found all the pieces of Orville, did they? Devo: Nope. You pretty much vaporized him. Scythe: I've never heard of any of this. It must have happened a long time ago. Piñata: Our Planeswalker sparks were ignited the year after I killed Orville. It's the first such case -- that I know of, anyway -- of two people in the same location being sparked at the same time. (OOC: All right, I advanced the backstory. Now someone else needs to figure out what to do with this story.
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Post by Ape on Jan 24, 2007 16:18:33 GMT -5
*summons a Kird Ape, and then decapitates it*
I'm bored.
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Post by piñata on Jan 25, 2007 12:50:43 GMT -5
(Hey! Kird Ape is one of my favorite cards! ) Elfie: So, what happened to the other guy who became a vampire? Piñata: He's the one that got away. The only dark wizard on that world in that timeframe who I didn't kill. DA: Wait a minute. You mean he's still out there somewhere? Piñata: I assume so. Vampires are immortal, so there's no reason to think him dead. Wait... what's that? Devo: Some sort of commotion. Let's check it out. The fellowship moves to the crest of a nearby hill, where they can look out at the surrounding landscape. Scythe: That's a pretty good-sized group. I hope they're ours, too. Elfie: They're not. Look closely at their mounts. Scythe: That's easy for you to say, Mr. I Don't Even Need Forking Omnioculars! Elfie: They're riding banthas. Which, of course, means -- Scythe: Tusken Raiders. So, anyone know how to take down a bantha? Devo: Very carefully. After everyone rolls their eyes at the old joke, the Fellowship goes back down the hill and alerts the Conclave soldiers in the camp to the enemy presence nearby. An attack party is organized. (OOC: Someone else can do the attack if they want... I've gotta go now.)
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Post by Ape on Jan 12, 2008 7:39:34 GMT -5
*puts Scythe away, sits on rock, and starts eating a Hot Pocket*
*burns tongue on Hot Pocket*
...ach, supid hing! Hat wah my yam ongue!
*Throws Hot Pocket at Bantha Raider, which splatters over his face and melts his skin over his eyes*
...
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Post by piñata on Feb 4, 2008 13:22:05 GMT -5
Pinata: What happened there? One of those assclowns just fell off his bantha. Bass: Man, I had a clown in my ass once. It was not pleasant. Pinata (ignoring Bass): Elfie, did you do something? Elfie: Nope, this is the first arrow I've nocked... nobody's fired a shot yet. Stalin (surveying the area with Omnioculars): There's somebody on that hill over there. He's got a scythe... Scythe: What? Stalin: ... never mind, Scythe. It's Ape Killer! Pinata (jumping up and waving): Hey! Hey, Ape! Over here! DA: You do realize that only Elfie could see you from there, right? Pinata: Oh. Right.
*Pinata sends a talking Patronus over to Ape to explain where everybody is, and what's going on*
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Post by Ape on Feb 4, 2008 14:02:31 GMT -5
*Ape sits on his rock fuming at his burning tongue, when he see's a white light in the corner of his eye. He turns quickly to see a smokey apparition of a beautiful women standing naked in front of him. She starts to talk, but Ape is too distracted to pay attention. He hears her mention something about the Conclave as he is approaching her, but he cannot seem to take his mind off other things. As he reaches the girl, she becomes silent and stares into Apes eyes with a look of concern. Ape hardly notices, trying too hard to look smug to realize her facial expression when she suddenly disappears.*
Ape: Damn you Pinata, why does your patronus have to be so hot!
*Ape turns back around to return to his rock so he can fume some more when he finds Pinata's actual patronus standing a few feet away*
Ape: Oh...damn, why do I get the feeling I just missed out on some very important information?
~~Back at the Clave~~ Elfie: Is that smoke? Is he trying to send a signal? Stalin (with the Omnioculars): ...boobies... Elfie: Whats that? ~stalin looks away~ Stalin: Oh, ummm...Ape's fine, I have no idea how he's going to get over here though. *stalin turns back with an eager look on his face, which quickly turns to a look of disappointment*
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Post by piñata on Feb 5, 2008 12:48:21 GMT -5
*Pinata sends another Patronus to Jacen, requesting the services of any esuvees that aren't otherwise occupied*
Bass: I think he's going to run into the same problem Ape did. Pinata: My Patronus is usually a donkey. I checked to make sure it was before sending it off that time. Don't know what happened with the other one... must've been a burst of extreme horniness or something. Elfie: No way! You're never horny. Pinata: We should probably try to knock some of these guys off their banthas. Their mounts will still be a problem if they decide to stick around, but riderless banthas usually go off and do their own thing.
*Pinata suits action to words by nailing one of the Tusken Raiders with a Killing Curse*
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Post by Ape on Feb 8, 2008 12:19:03 GMT -5
*Ape sits on his rock watching the Tusken Raiders pass by at the bottom of the hill. He looks down at the scythe resting on the ground beside him, wondering if it was as sore as he was. He wonders how long its been since he'd been in those phyrexian swamps. It felt like weeks, months, years even. His muscles disagreed. He examined the scythe closely. Weak. A flimsy stick and a thin blade. He held the scythe in his hands, but he couldn't feel it anymore. He felt it, but it didn't feel like it was a part of him. He didn't feel connected to it any more. He couldn't feel its power. He wonders why he was so fond of it. He felt it was a symbol of his past, one he left in the swamp so long ago. Or maybe not so long ago. He took the scythe in both hands, and brought it down on his knee, snapping the wood in half. He instantly felt free from it. As though a peice of himself that was trapped within was now released. He looked up at Bush, who had a smirk on his face.*
Bush: You realize that still counts as a sickle right? Ape: ...asshole
*Ape stands away from his seat, turns, and swings the sickle with all his might onto the rock, shattering the blade into multiple pieces*
Bush: Ok, you got me there. Ape: Come on, lets get out of here. We have to find a way to the Conclave. Bush: Aye, I could fly us over the battlefield Ape: No, they'll shoot us down for sure. Or atleast me anyways. Bush: You're right of course, lets try to find a way around
*2 steps past the rock and Ape falls into a hole, landing in a small room*
Ape: You gotta be shitting me Dharok the Wretched: Leave this place at once Ape: Oh shit.
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Post by piñata on Feb 13, 2008 11:48:54 GMT -5
Pinata: Hmm. Looks like Ape fell down a hole. Scythe: Such an old joke bodes ill. Elfie: Indeed.
*shots ring out, as shots are wont to do*
Pinata: We need to get past these assclowns and their guns so we can help him. Any ideas? Devo: Good thing we're on the border of Damithor. Those esuvees got here pretty quickly... we might not have to fight at all. Elfie: Indeed.
*The esuvees, huge oil-guzzling creatures nearly twice the size of the average bantha, erupt onto the battlefield and wreak total havoc. Pinata, Devo, Scythe and LK Apparate over to Ape's side... Stalin, Elfie, Bass and DA remain to marshal the Conclave forces if needed.*
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Post by Ape on Feb 15, 2008 8:14:31 GMT -5
Edit- This post turned out much longer than I intended. *Dharok stood motionless, easily a head and a half taller than Ape. His axe rested on his shoulder. It's blade, the size of round shield, is a made of granite. Though not as sharp as metal, its weight makes up for that. It isn't designed to make clever and accurate cuts, its purpose to is to cleave and sever. Ape then realized the reason he is focusing on the weapon is because it is flying toward his head. Ape instinctively rolls out of the way as the blade lands on the spot where he was a second ago, the blade biting a deep crevice into the stone floor. Dharok looks up from his blade embedded in the floor and stares at Ape* Dharok: You are not strong enough, you do not belong here. *Without waiting for a response, Dharok rips the blade from the stone floor and replaces the blade on his shoulder as he walks to wards Ape on the other side of the room. Ape fumbles with his pack, searching for something to defend himself with. His fingertips brush against his lightsaber, but before he can grab it he sees Bush drop down from the hole in the ceiling, landing inches in front of Dharok* Dharok: Leave this place at once *Dharok swings his Great Axe, landing a blow against Bush's chest. Bush falls to the floor, a dent in his chest* Dharok: You are not stro... You are not dead!? Bush: You are not strong enough! You cannot defeat the fellowship or it's members.*A look of madness washes over Dharok's face. Dharok shoulder's his axes and reaches into his belt, withdrawing a short dagger. Ape starts to laugh, seeing this giant of a man replace his Great Axe with such a small dagger. But before Ape can speak, Dharok plunges the dagger into his own stomach. Blood pours freely from the wound, Dharok does nothing to stop it. Dharok's eyes gleam with insanity as his muscles tense and bulge. The maniacal laughter that fills the room causes chills to run down Ape's spine* Bush: What the hell is wrong with him?Ape: The more damage we do to him, the stronger he gets. Every cut causes his strength to grow. The wielders of that armor are mad. They will harm themselves to make themselves stronger. Bush: I have an idea*Bush stands up gently, cradling his dented torso, and stands in front of the crazed Dharok* Bush: Come on, kill me. Or are you too weak?*The immense look of anger in Dharok's eyes spoke for him. He swung his axe with much more intensity than he had before, this time knocking Bush off his feet. Bush coughed as he caught the breath that was knocked from him, something that caught Ape as strange. But he remained moving, this time slower than before, and with a much bigger dent in his chest. Dharok screams in anger as he grabs his dagger and goes back to work on himself. Apekiller fumbles with his pack again while Dharok is distracted* Ape: Don't do this Bush, I have my lightsaber *pulls out lightsaber* Bush: Don't be stupid, he's too strong. I don't think...*In mid-sentence the axe blade falls on Bush's shoulder, cleaving through the screeching metal and severing his arm completely. Bush stumbles to his feet and Dharok, frustrated, grabs his dagger and brings it to his neck, gashing a clean cut deep into his own throat. A look of terror reaches Dharok's eyes has he realizes what he has done. His knee's grow weak, but in his last sudden burst of strength he swings his axe at bush faster than the eye can see. Bush has no time to respond, even with his super-fast-robotic reflexes, and the axe cuts straight into his chest, leaving a gaping hole, exposing turning gears and severed wires. Turning gears...he isn't dead yet.* Bush: ...see? Easy enough... Get the axe. I'll be...ok...i think*Ape walks over to the fallen Dharok and picks up his Great Axe. It is heavy in his hands, and nearly knocks him over as he swings it up onto his shoulder.* Ape: You're sure you are ok? Bush: I'll be fine...just...slow...help me up*Ape, although wandless, sends out his patronus, in the form of an ape of course, to inform the other members of his situation* Ape: There are more tunnels here, they may lead back to the Conclave... Bush: Can't I just fly us or something? I'm sick of this shit.Ape: Well, probably, I could summon a swarm of Vampire Bats. They won't hurt the Bantha's, but it'll distract them long enough for us to get back to the Conclave Bush: And why the hell didn't you think of that before?Ape: The...boobies...I hadn't recovered, I wasn't thinking straight. Bush:
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Post by piñata on Feb 15, 2008 10:05:28 GMT -5
Pinata (shouting down into the hole): Vampire Bats sound like a good idea. We can combine our black mana -- you and Stalin have a lot -- to pump them if we need to. Do you need help getting out of there? Scythe: I'm sending down a Rope of Climbing. They can just shimmy up it... it'll hold Bush's weight, and then some.
(OOC: Some explanations are in order. First off, Stalin can use his black mana to pump a creature that Ape summoned because of an enchantment on the Fellowship that allows them to act as one entity... Ape can activate the abilities of creatures Stalin summons as well. Second, a Rope of Climbing is a magic item from D&D that Scythe, as the intrepid, Indiana Jones-type adventurer of the Fellowship, never leaves home without (he and Pinata used to work together retrieving artifacts for the mystical library/museum on the western border of The Conclave, the House of Lore). It's pretty much what it sounds like... a magical rope that allows anyone to climb anywhere as if they were an expert mountaineer, can hook onto objects without a grappling hook, and can carry higher amounts of weight.)
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Post by Ape on Feb 19, 2008 7:16:58 GMT -5
Ape(shouting): Oh hey! Didn't know you guys were up there! *Rope falls down beside Ape* Ape(shouting): Alright, I'm coming up. Guthan the Infested(from deep within the caves): You are not welcome here. Ape: Ok, maybe we should hurry. *Ape ties the rope securely around Bush, and then climbs up. After he reaches the surface, he turns and, with the help of the other, hoists Bush up* Ape: I think we should probably avoid these hills for awhile... Bush: Cool ropeApe:
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Post by piñata on Feb 20, 2008 13:24:48 GMT -5
Pinata: Good idea. And in the spirit of never leaving a job unfinished... *Pinata aims his wand into the hole and fires something down it which, when it hits, triggers a massive explosion and subsequent cave-in. A cloud of dirt, disturbingly enough taking the shape of a mushroom, expands upward from the blast site and stops at about the level of Ape's chest.* Pinata: That should keep him from coming after us. Unless he can Apparate. Then we're Forked. Scythe: Looks like those Tusken Raiders are breaking ranks. *Pinata looks and, sure enough, sees the Tusken Raiders retreating. Some Conclave archers are harrying them with arrows to keep them running away at maximum speed. Pinata realizes that Elfie is among these archers when he witnesses a spectacular shot that only Elfie could have made.
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Post by Ape on Feb 22, 2008 20:04:12 GMT -5
Ape: Don't worry, the Barrows brothers are damned to stay in their tombs, though the fact that they were unsealed worries me. So what now? I'm up for some OUCH!! Pinata: What is OUCH? Ape: Sorry, I dropped my axe on my foot...its a little heavier than that old scythe. I'll have to OUCH! Pinata: What now!? Ape: I have a scratch on my finger Bush: (OOC: I really have no idea where we are going with this right now)
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Post by piñata on Feb 28, 2008 12:50:18 GMT -5
Pinata: How do you get a paper cut in the middle of the Forking desert? Tusken Raider: Woot snort Allah Ackbar! Pinata (decapitating Tusken Raider): You're an ugly Forker. I wonder where you came from? Pinata goes up to the top of the nearest ridge, and looks down at a massive battle about to take place. Conclave forces from every remaining Conclave nation are lined up on one side: Elves, Dwarves, mounted cavalry, Semen-Spitting Llamas, Indestructible Apes, Ewoks, Ashern Commandos, several robed Jedi, and a man in bluish-gray armor... Boba Fett, the bounty hunter Pinata hired to take out the revenant Karl Kroenen, standing directly across the battlefield from his quarry. Over on Kroenen's side of things there are Orcs, Goblins, Furbies, mumakil, various evil humans, Dark Elves and Black Dwarves, the occasional Giant or Troll, and a familiar-looking Ogre. Pinata (pointing at the Ogre): If it's true that legendary heroes are recycled throughout history, then it must be true for villains as well. Does that look like Mulgarath to anyone else? Elfie: Indeed. Stalin: Looks like they need our help... that's Airship Basurake up there over our side of the battlefield, but that looks like the Predator over on the other side. (OOC: Mulgarath is the main villain of the Spiderwick Chronicles. He's a shapeshifter/warlock in addition to being an ogre. The Predator is, of course, Volrath's airship.)
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